Cocaine Mild High Caffeine Energy Supplement comes in a blue can with white letters, which are, I'm assuming, supposed to look like lines of cocaine. The original logo appears to have had more of a powder texture on the font, the letters on this can are solid. The rim of the can reads, "High Caffeine Energy Supplement". Then, vertically oriented, "Cocaine", then in some negative space font, "Taurine L-Carnitine D-Ribose". Then, in tiny letters, "Energy Supplement", "Mild", and "8.4FL OZ (250ml)". On the side is a white rectangular text area that reads, "WARNING: This message is for the people who are too stupid to recognize the obvious. This product does not contain the drug cocaine (duh). This product is not intended to be an alternative to an illicit street drug, and anyone who thinks otherwise is an idiot." On the back is an "energy level" chart, which shows three and a half bull heads.
Hello again, Jason from screamingenergy.com. Like Tweak, Sin, 420 and all the other sophomorically-named energy drinks, cocaine's branding is campy and unsophisticated.
Let's be clear, we're not talking about actual cocaine. Cocaine is an life-ruining narcotic that increases ones propensity to indiscriminately and literally prostitute ones self to get just one more high. It causes otherwise honest people to steal, lie and thoroughly, often irreparably compromise their morals, destroying the confidence of friends and family...and that's what makes the drink name so clever. Because, when I think of energy, the first thing that comes to mind is knowingly spreading communicable diseases, neglecting the needs of my children and stealing from my disabled parents to buy drugs from my dealer, a pillar of the community, who's also an artisan at trafficking Nigerian children for sexual exploitation. In short, I think about all the lives ruined by cocaine, and it's just super that they've decided to make an energy drink with that name.
Assuming you can ignore the name, which is like ignoring a kick in the unmentionables, cocaine mild energy drink is surprisingly palatable for something with so much caffeine. 280Mg, which is about 3.5 Red Bulls, should taste like a 9-volt battery covered in sidewalk chalk. Surprisingly, it's got a bitter strawberry flavor that's more enjoyable proportionally, to a reasonable extent, to the amount of ice added.
After I drink cocaine mild, I'm awake and alert, and for a reasonable amount of time. I believe the "crash" is 90% marketing myth created by 5-hour energy, so I'll not entertain the notion that I experienced one.
Cocaine mild is available online at $40 for a 24 case, that's $1.67/can. If you don't mind looking like a absolute tool carrying around "Cocaine Energy Drink", it's super strong, tastes pretty good, and is a far better than average value.
The red cocaine was popular several years ago, then it disappeared for a while. About a year ago, some guy contacted us saying he could supply us with Brawndo - The Thirst Mutilator and Cocaine. We told him how to send samples, and never heard anything else from him. Then, about a month ago, we got information from someone else offering cocaine. When the package arrived, it contained the familiar red can, but also a blue and a cocaine shot. We don't really care how all this transpired, and we're pretty sure you don't either. What we do care about is that the red can, which we never sampled in the past, is currently hot/spicy, and the blue is mild. We have no idea if possible previous iterations of the original red-canned Cocaine were also spicy, or if this is new.
The sarcastic warning on the side is moderately cute, and we agree, it would take a pretty big idiot to think this contains cocaine. Unfortunately, the world is full of pretty big idiots.
The blue (mild) cocaine is pretty good. Tastes like bitter strawberries. I like to serve mine over ice and water down the flavor. The colder, the better, and I enjoy the flavor more after it's a little watered down.
I simply can't argue with 280mg of caffeine. It's a potent amount. Children are stupid, and this should not be within their grasps to try to "show off". "Slamming" or "Chugging" these will result in some kid going to the emergency room, followed by an obligatory outcry to pull them from the shelves. When it happens, we'll take our usual position of pitying the stupidity of the persons involved (sadly for our educational system, people who were able to graduate high school, in the case of Four Loko) and auto-deleting any emails related to it.